Thursday, October 3, 2013

Putting the pages of our fairytale back together...

I met my other half on October 24th,2005. I fell in love with him the moment I met him, I know people say "that's impossible" but it's not. Our friendship grew for the next few months and so did my love for him. Then what I thought we had was gone, he decided to date someone else. I was heartbroken. Absolutely broken.

After that January we did not talk for 7 months until a friend and I went to a concert in California. One of the bands that was playing was a band that was playing the same night we met (which also happened to be one of his favorites), I randomly text him just to tell him they were playing and that the lead singer was standing next to me. We started to talk again and rebuilt our friendship, that November he threw me a "birthday show" with the record label he was running. That night I also met his girlfriend for the first time, I was kind although of course I didn't want to be.

Fast forward through a few years we would talk off and on. Every relationship I had did not work because I compared them all to him. I doomed them all from the beginning, but I was having fun so it was okay. Then I hear him and his girlfriend broke up, he text me heartbroken about the whole thing. He had text me about problems in their relationship before (and as a friend I would always try to help), but he said this time it was over. He went through some hard stuff for the next few months I tried to be a friend when he would let me.

One night when he seemed to be happier he came and visited me at a friends house, we sat outside and just talked as friends, but that was it. A few times here and there he then tried to pursue things with me but I just couldn't let my guard down. I was too scared of what I felt for him, always. I started dating this guy I met through a friend, he lived in California and I was here in Arizona. It moved really fast and freaked me out. He really cared for me and It was just a lot for me, I ended up breaking it off with him after a month and a half. Very soon after that ended and while said Californian was still trying to win me back, my other half text me and asked if we could hangout. I was elated and posted something on a social network about it, even then my Californian knew somehow that he was something to be worried about, because he text my best friend and asked about my other half.

So we went out to dinner a salad and some wings (i believe) then we went to a park and hung out and talked, he explained his feelings for me and I told him if we tried something I would make him work for it and it wouldn't be easy. I really didn't make things easy, I was still going out with my friends almost every weekend, expecting him to stay with me whenever I wanted him to and generally stressing him out. He still wanted to be with me, we eventually broke up for about two days. During this time I went out of town to visit my dad only to find out through a social network update that he had hung out with his ex girlfriend (the one that was the reason we weren't together years before) and I was devastated. He said it was just for closure because they had not talked in years, but I know girls and I know they don't just show up out of the blue for nothing. We got back together and she ended up showing up at an event he was at a few times. We had a few fun months after that.

Then came August and I was pregnant, it was fast but we had known each other for so long and I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with him. We were happy, shortly after we found out I started bleeding, I knew this pregnancy wasn't going to be okay but I was hopeful. We saw the little heartbeat multiple times. One day at work I started bleeding lots and lots of blood I headed to the hospital I was sure I had lost the baby, I got to the hospital they checked my cervix it was still closed, they did an ultrasound and baby was still there heartbeat going and all. I was so happy. Two weeks later I started bleeding again, went to my obgyn who sent me to the emergency room. After a few hours at the emergency room with my mom they confirmed the baby no longer had a heartbeat, it was heartbreaking. This brought my other half and I closer together. We ended up pregnant a month later and now we have our beautiful two year old son and are expecting another baby in March.

Throughout the past two years and through our relationship everything has been so hectic, I have not shown my other half the love he deserves. He did everything for me, surprised me with flowers, notes left in secret places, surprise dinners plus he has been an amazing father. I do love him more than anything or anyone. However through all our fights and stress and life I have not shown him, which leads him to feel like the love is not there or as strong as the claims I make.

So starting today, I am pledging to rebuild my relationship one step at a time. I want him to know he is the most important thing and the person I want to spend the rest of my life with. I will attempt to update you along on my journey. I just want to show him how grateful I am that he is in my life and that there is no one else I would rather be with even if we disagree, don't like the same music and can drive each other crazy, he is the love of my life. I want to fix our fairytale I only want this to be a happy ending, the happiest ending really.

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