Putting the pages of our fairytale back together...

I met my other half on October 24th,2005. I fell in love with him the moment I met him, I know people say "that's impossible" but it's not. Our friendship grew for the next few months and so did my love for him. Then what I thought we had was gone, he decided to date someone else. I was heartbroken. Absolutely broken.

After that January we did not talk for 7 months until a friend and I went to a concert in California. One of the bands that was playing was a band that was playing the same night we met (which also happened to be one of his favorites), I randomly text him just to tell him they were playing and that the lead singer was standing next to me. We started to talk again and rebuilt our friendship, that November he threw me a "birthday show" with the record label he was running. That night I also met his girlfriend for the first time, I was kind although of course I didn't want to be.

Fast forward through a few years we would talk off and on. Every relationship I had did not work because I compared them all to him. I doomed them all from the beginning, but I was having fun so it was okay. Then I hear him and his girlfriend broke up, he text me heartbroken about the whole thing. He had text me about problems in their relationship before (and as a friend I would always try to help), but he said this time it was over. He went through some hard stuff for the next few months I tried to be a friend when he would let me.

One night when he seemed to be happier he came and visited me at a friends house, we sat outside and just talked as friends, but that was it. A few times here and there he then tried to pursue things with me but I just couldn't let my guard down. I was too scared of what I felt for him, always. I started dating this guy I met through a friend, he lived in California and I was here in Arizona. It moved really fast and freaked me out. He really cared for me and It was just a lot for me, I ended up breaking it off with him after a month and a half. Very soon after that ended and while said Californian was still trying to win me back, my other half text me and asked if we could hangout. I was elated and posted something on a social network about it, even then my Californian knew somehow that he was something to be worried about, because he text my best friend and asked about my other half.

So we went out to dinner a salad and some wings (i believe) then we went to a park and hung out and talked, he explained his feelings for me and I told him if we tried something I would make him work for it and it wouldn't be easy. I really didn't make things easy, I was still going out with my friends almost every weekend, expecting him to stay with me whenever I wanted him to and generally stressing him out. He still wanted to be with me, we eventually broke up for about two days. During this time I went out of town to visit my dad only to find out through a social network update that he had hung out with his ex girlfriend (the one that was the reason we weren't together years before) and I was devastated. He said it was just for closure because they had not talked in years, but I know girls and I know they don't just show up out of the blue for nothing. We got back together and she ended up showing up at an event he was at a few times. We had a few fun months after that.

Then came August and I was pregnant, it was fast but we had known each other for so long and I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with him. We were happy, shortly after we found out I started bleeding, I knew this pregnancy wasn't going to be okay but I was hopeful. We saw the little heartbeat multiple times. One day at work I started bleeding lots and lots of blood I headed to the hospital I was sure I had lost the baby, I got to the hospital they checked my cervix it was still closed, they did an ultrasound and baby was still there heartbeat going and all. I was so happy. Two weeks later I started bleeding again, went to my obgyn who sent me to the emergency room. After a few hours at the emergency room with my mom they confirmed the baby no longer had a heartbeat, it was heartbreaking. This brought my other half and I closer together. We ended up pregnant a month later and now we have our beautiful two year old son and are expecting another baby in March.

Throughout the past two years and through our relationship everything has been so hectic, I have not shown my other half the love he deserves. He did everything for me, surprised me with flowers, notes left in secret places, surprise dinners plus he has been an amazing father. I do love him more than anything or anyone. However through all our fights and stress and life I have not shown him, which leads him to feel like the love is not there or as strong as the claims I make.

So starting today, I am pledging to rebuild my relationship one step at a time. I want him to know he is the most important thing and the person I want to spend the rest of my life with. I will attempt to update you along on my journey. I just want to show him how grateful I am that he is in my life and that there is no one else I would rather be with even if we disagree, don't like the same music and can drive each other crazy, he is the love of my life. I want to fix our fairytale I only want this to be a happy ending, the happiest ending really.

Can you still feel the butterflies?

I found the following information while "stumbling" today. It's from Psychology today and I love it all. Sometimes every relationship needs a little pick me up.

1. Thinking positively about your partner. Having positive thoughts about your partner means that you focus on the good, not the bad, in your partner’s personal qualities and character. Ruminating about the things that bother you can only lead you to magnify the small foibles which will make your partner even more irritating to you than you would otherwise feel.  People in good relationships engage in “sentiment override,” meaning that they remember more of the favorable than the unfavorable experiences they’ve shared together.
2. Thinking about your partner when apart. When you leave your partner for the day, the evening, or for an extended period of time, do you forget about his or her existence? Is it out of sight and out of mind for you? If so, this may be a sign that you’re not that much in love. You don’t have to spend every second apart sighing longingly, but the fact that your partner isn’t there should at least cross your mind some of the time during the course of the average day.
3. Difficulty concentrating on other things when thinking about your partner. If you’re able to set aside your thoughts about your partner without much effort, this suggests that your partner takes up only a small amount of cognitive load.  Multitasking isn’t particularly desirable when it comes to musing over your loved one. In the O'Leary study, this factor was particularly important for men.
4. Enjoying novel and challenging activities. Like definitely attracts like when it comes to personal interests and hobbies. Spending time together is important, as you’ll see below, but it’s how you spend your time that influences your relationship satisfaction even more. Aron’s self-expansion model, tested in empirical research, suggests that couples can improve their love for each other when they spend their time together exploring new and challenging activities. The O'Leary study identified this factor as especially relevant for men. If you’re going to go bungee jumping for the first time, your relationship will benefit when you and your partner face this challenge together. If you’re not up to bungee jumping, seek out mentally challenging ways to spice up your daily routines. 
5. Spending time together. If you love someone, you want to spend time with that person, and the more time you spend together, the more your love will grow. The time you spend should include some new and challenging activities, as shown in point #4. However, even spending time together in mundane household activities can enhance your love's intensity. That basement remodeling you’ve been intending to get started can actually become a way for you and your partner to strengthen your emotional bonds. Cooking, gardening, grocery shopping, and even cleaning the house are other ways to bolster your love for each other. This was another factor that, in the O'Leary study, was more important for men.
6. Expressing affection. Feeling love toward your partner is important, but so is expressing that love in physical ways. It’s not wise to play hard to get when your goal is to build the passion in your relationship. The affection you show doesn’t have to be elaborate or overly gushy. A touch on the shoulder or kiss on the cheek is enough to build your relationship’s intensity. 
7. Being turned on by your partner. Those tiny touches of affection can not only boost your emotional connection to your partner, but also stoke the sexual fires within. The respondents reporting the most intense love for their partner in the O’Leary study said that they felt their bodies responding when their partner touched them. This doesn’t mean a full-out sexual encounter has to follow from that touch on the cheek. Feeling a warm, tingling sensation from your partner’s physical presence is enough to keep the fire inside stoked until the time is right for sexual activity.
8. Engaging in sexual intercourse. It should come as no surprise that having intercourse is a positive expression of a love’s intensity. People in love are more likely to have sex with each other on a regular basis. The O’Leary study showed, however, that part of the reason for the positive association between sex and love is that people who are happiest in their relationships both love their partners more and have sex more frequently. Whatever the cause, the point is that sexual activity builds and maintains feelings of love and even happiness that endure over time. 
9. Feeling generally happy. People who feel happier about life also have stronger feelings of love toward their partners. We can’t determine whether people who are in love therefore feel happier or vice versa from the survey data in the O’Leary study (and the finding was more true of women than men). However, the finding suggests that if you’re experiencing personal distress, this can leak out and cause your relationship to suffer. Similarly, if your relationship is in trouble, your personal happiness will suffer as well. Either way, it's important for you to seek help before these negative effects take a heavy toll on your mental health.
10. Wanting to know where your partner is at all times. Being intensely in love, for men, is associated with wanting to know your partner’s whereabouts. This component of intense love may seem a bit like stalking. But to put a positive spin on it, if you want to know where your partner is, this reflects the fact that your partner isn't very far from your thoughts.  
11. Obsessively thinking about your partner. Being slightly obsessed with your partner turns out to be positively related to intense love, at least for women. The women most in love in the O’Leary study didn’t particularly care about knowing their partner’s whereabouts. However, they were more likely to engage in obsessive thinking about their partner more generally.
12. Having a strong passion for life. People who approach their daily lives with zest and strong emotion seem to carry these intense feelings over to their love life as well. If you want your relationship to have passion, put that emotional energy to work in your hobbies, interests, and even your political  activities. Your brain's reward centers respond similarly to love as to getting excited about your other daily interests.Getting "fired up" in these areas of life translates into firing up the feelings you have toward your partner and in the O'Leary study seemed to matter more for men.

As much as I don't like the number 13, I'll let it slide.

I don't know what it is about that number, but I just don't like it. I don't know when it started but I just know I don't like it. I remember when I went to get my first license plate for my car they handed me one with a 13 on it and I asked them to switch it because I just felt like it would be bad luck, luckily they did. BUT I will not let my dislike of that ugly number ruin this year or my hopes for it so...

HAPPY 2013!

2012:
-Lennon turned one and has been growing and just such an amazing human being to watch.
-I joined two amazing companies and have seen my sales grow, plus I get to talk about two things that I love and use on a daily basis.
-My relationship is stronger than ever and I am proud to see that we have grown.
-I've learned much more about myself and about life.
-I got a promotion and a raise at my 9-5(or 7-3:30) and I have learned so much within this company.

I really know 2013 will bring so many more blessings to my life. One of the things I am focusing on again is getting healthy, I was doing so good I lost 80 pounds and then the holidays came around and I started slacking so I want to get back on track! One thing I would like to tell you about is Greens a daily vitamin supplement you put in your water:

Build your immunity and it helps with weight loss, click on the picture for more details. It's cheaper and better than the leading alternatives! Plus it's something I use daily. 

What are key things that helped you change around your mentatlity in regards to becoming a healthier person? I need any tips I can get to get me back on board!

Thank you to anyone and everyone that checked out my blog in 2012, I know I can be scatterbrained and sometimes lack content but I appreciate every view. I can't wait to see how this grows in 2013!